Daughter likes to talk…

Daughter’s phone bill was $220 again… This has got to stop. Actually, it’s her mother more accurately. I told her it’s time for her to get her own cellphone and take responsibility for the bills… We’ll see how well that boils over…

As for MS. Eyes STILL suck. I have 4 more doctors to see now. A neurologist, neuro-surgeon, and two eye doctors. We’ll see how well that turns out.

I’ve still not lost the weight I gained from the Sol-Medrol. It’s starting to piss me off. But I have lost a few small pounds and have not gained more so at least that’s a plus.

I’m starting to get sore more often. I cramp up in my butt, legs, back, neck a lot more than ever I used too. I hear this pain as being somewhat normal.

My mom found out a talk-show host ‘Montel Williams’ was also diagnosed with MS. He has some books out on it and was reading it. She’s always trying to find the magic cure… Especially now that my sister has fibromyalgia. We’ll see where this leads…


New Water Softiner

I just got a new filter for the water in my home. See the extended details for more information…

And you might want to sit down for this next one. My sister just got diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. Our parents don’t have any medical conditions and we both get an auto-immune disease? WTF! More information in extended comments.

Lastly, I’m car shoppin. I need something to get to work and such. I’m thinking cheap pickup or small car. Anything… Taking offers.Water Softiner:

I went with a guy named Tommy Dorsey and his products. It’s a two piece filter and so far it ROCKS! It uses a salt brine to clean the filter but it doesn’t get salty-like that some softiners do. Plus, They did the full install and setup. I just paid em. But still it’s tons cheaper than other options I was finding around the world. Everything else was $2k or higher and I just don’t have it. Not that I had what I spent but it was that or a new hot water heater so… I figure spending the money now saves money later (hopefully) and also gives me better water in the house all over.

My Sister:

This one sucks… My new girlfriend has Fibromyalgia and now my sister too. But who knows. Mom did the all-exected 2 hour phone call to talk more about MS and if she should get tested. I suggested she might want to just to be sure. It’s just a needle after all. But more importantly I told her to get some MRIs if suggested and don’t forget to mention my MS to the Doctors.

Happy Freakin Day…


Today was going ok. My eyes are still being weird but overall doing ok. I have a new Dr. apt Friday to check more on my hand to see if it is or isn’t related to my MS.

On a darker note, someone rear-ended me today. While it”s fresh in my memory I’ll go over the details:

Short version is I saw a woman on the side of the road who looked to be jumping out in front of traffic so I stopped and got hit.. But after talking with the people at the sceen, it’s much more involved and frightening than that. So here’s the long version if you want to read it…I was listening to the radio and really enjoying the day. I left work early to go see a friend Steve about his computer. I was excited to see him after such a long time also since I have not seen him since well before my divorce. Needless to say I was in very good spirits.

I was on Oltorf Street in Austin heading west turning south on IH35 Access road. There was a red car in front of me turning also. He turned into the right hand lane and I stayed in the proper left hand lane (one way street). I started to pass him and he started comming into my lane without a signal. I slow down and let him in front of me. Then I changed lanes into the on-ramp lane to get on the highway. He did not and I started to pass him. Again, same thing. I slowed down and he got in front of me. Then on the on-ramp he continued slowing down. At this point I thought he was not paying very much attention to what he was doing and started to worry me. He continued to slow down causing me to get closer and closer. I then slowed down and immediately jumped into traffic where it was clear to my left and sped up and went on my merry way. I took a second to notice he was a very far distance behind me and still in the right lane going slow. I was thankful to be beyond him and returned to my bliss.

I went up and around the fly-over heading west again on Ben White Blvd thinking nothing more of the situation. I was jamming quite happily to the music on the radio again and on my way to Steve’s. I got off the highway at the 1st street exit and proceeded to wait at the light. While there I looked over my directions. The light changed and I very slowly proceeded throught he intersection. I honestly was not going any more than probably 20 miles per hour because I was looking for the road since I have not been there in quite some time. I have a visual memory and remembered the turn which I could see up the road just a bit and accellerate to the appropriate speed.

Very shortly there after, there was a woman in white (from what I remember. I remember the white hat.) walking up the sidewalk on the left side. I was in the left most lane. About 50 feet in front of me or so it just seemed to me she was jumping out in front of traffic. I slammed on the breaks. Wham!

As it turns out, the person from earlier had followed me all this way and rear-ended me right there. I was paying perfect attention to what was in front of me and beside me (which is why I didn’t do an emergency lane change instead) but did not see him behind me. I knew there was a car there (did not know it was the same one from before) but gave it no nevermind as it appeared he was back plenty far before I stopped from my last glance in the rear-view. Apparently not (or he wasn’t paying attention; or tried to accelerate to catchup to me for some reason). Reguardless of the reason, he was too close and hit me.

I stay in my vehicle and call 911 to report the accident. During the 911 call, the man gets out of his car and tells me to get out of mine so he can ‘blow my fucking head off’. I told this to the 911 operator who I think heard it anyhow and the officer was dispatched and there in seconds (kudos Austin PD). The officer asked me if I saw a weapon which yet I did not and asked me the ethnicity of the other driver which actually confused me becuase I couldn’t figure out why that would matter but I answered her question. I remained in the vehicle and did not talk to him or give him any suggestive movements since I could obviously see he was out of his vehicle and very upset and threatoning. I remained perfectly still although I was in gear and ready to speed away if I saw a weapon or if he approached my vehicle again. He made me very nervious at this point.

The officer asked us to move into a parking lot and I got out of my vehicle. The guy’s father arrived on the sceen and now I got it from both ends… His father telling me what junk my Jeep was (ok…) and how I shouldn’t be allowed to drive and the kid being threatoning.

The officer did not give any tickets (confused) and said our own insurances should handle it. She said if we wanted she would site him for following too closely and me for rage and we could take it up with the judge. I simply told her I was not in any sort of anger what so ever but at the same time there’s no need to burdon the guy with a ticket on top of the insurance claim he will obviously have. My Jeep has a bent tailgate but otherwise I believe is fine so I really did not mind and most likely will not even contact his insurance unless there is something more severe that I have not seen yet (advantage of having a heavy duity bumper I guess). Once the guy calmed down (the officer arrived) and started speaking to me, only then did I realize he was the same guy from the intersection at Oltorf. He openly accused me of Road Rage.

Now this is where I get confused. He follows me through multiple turns and lights and exits when I do not even know he was following me and yet I’m the one with Road Rage? Unfortunately the woman on the sidewalk did not stick around for the police to show up. (It’s Austin. Hell, no one stopped. No one cares…) So the officer said I can’t prove why I stopped so simply it’s one word against the other. Personally, I do not see why stopping in the middle of the road for no reason at all would be illegal anyhow (I don’t think it is) but still. So then I can see her point of view. It could appear as though I stopped for no reason since there was no one to backup seeing the woman on the sidewalk who frightened me. Thankfully though she didn’t jump in the street and there isn’t a dead body to go along with this story. I thank God for that much and right now that’s all I care about is that she’s ok. (At least I think it was a she… She looked to be wearing an all white running suit and white hat from the glimps I have in my memory.) Mental note; take a picture with my phone next time…

So, now I have a guy who threatoned my life in public who had my address. At least the police know. Although looking back I think he was just really REALLY pissed and venting. I can’t say I blame him for being upset over the accident but it was his fault for obviously not allowing a safe minimum stopping distance. And if he did actually follow me all that way, I would think it would be him who would need to get checked out for rage.

Now I admit I drive quicker than some people but actually I’m very happy behind the wheel. I’m also very VERY aware of vehicles in front of and beside me and where I am going to put my vehicle. The only thing I can not control is the people behind me. If I could figure out a way to handle that also, everyone’s life would be a whole lot better. Actually I have been lucky to avoid many MANY accidents by knowing where vehicles are next to me and moving away (like earlier when I moved left into traffic to avoid him slowing down. I saw the very large spot (actually no one comming up either) and moved out of the impending trouble).

Furthermore I hope the guy doesn’t come after me for something which he obviously mis-understood. If he thought I was upset with him somehow though, why did he follow me? This still confuses me. Or… Maybe he’s just really smart. Maybe he’s really a very calm person and just ended up following me out of coincidence and just happened to catch up to me nearly 3 miles later and just happened to hit me. And then knew to use some Road Rage excuse to get out of a ticket. If so, bravo guy. You are smarter than me. Although I’m not sure I would believe that story since he was so angry at the sceen, looking back I think he was chasing me down. Actually, I’m happy I did not notice him following me sooner because then I might have gotten nervious and scared and accidentally caused a much more elaborate accident.

Looking over the simple facts of the accident: I stopped in what at the time appeared to be an emergency situation which thank goodness was not. He hit me from the rear after which he had apparently been following me for over two and a half miles.

Now I have to let my insurance know what happened so they don’t just pay to repair his. It will get ugly if it goes to court but I know I did not do anything wrong so I hope I will not incur any penalties for this. I just hope the other guy is really civil and was just venting at the moment and doesn’t try to act on his promises. But that’s up to our extremely flawed insurance system.

Happy? well…

I sold my mountain bike to help pay for medical bills this month and I sold some other things like the old christmas tree that I never use anyhow. I’m trying to sell my TV and pretty much anything that isn’t bolted down.

I had another dream with my ex-wife in it.. I thought I was done with these but this one made me feel a whole lot better. Basically, I got to tell her: “You wake up every morning with the guy you cheated with and whom cheated on you. If that doesn’t bother your conscience at all, I’m glad your gone becuase you’re not fit to be the mother of any children. A mother needs morals and commitments which you obviously do not have.” Plus I finally got to slap her which made me wake up with a huge smile. And thankfully, since then, I don’t even think about her at all anymore… And when I do, it’s a happy feeling of that horrible woman being out of my life forever. Ohhh, I’m so glad!

Well, on the other hand, the new girlfriend is absolutely amazing. Everytime I do something that my ex would have smacked or scoulded me for, nothing. Then she asks ‘what’ and I say something to the effect of ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to do that’. And again she sais ‘what’? And I have to explain what I did and how it was wrong before… I think the last time I did this, she said “Good god… What type of evil woman were you married too?!?”. I guess being married for so long sticks habbits into ya that are hard to erase. But it’s nice knowing she gives me the freedome to really be myself. I enjoy being able to clean my house and do my laundry without the yell of messing it up every time. Plus, I like doing dishes with her and just being in the kitchen together. Everytime I came up behind my ex when she was cooking, she’d give me the ‘get off me’ shrug… Finding all of these things I can do now is so nice. I even get to play my video games without getting the look all the time. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… /cry

We have watched a lot of movies lately trying to save every penny we can. I even work from home 2-4 days a week just to save on the gas. A friend is going to give me some cars which if I can get running properly and inspected, should really help in that arena. Although since one hasn’t run for 5 years and the other needs a lot of exhaust & break/clutch work, I don’t know if it’s the right move financially. I maybe should take the repair money and find a cheap, working car instead… I have to look at them closer first to find out.

As for my MS, my insurance changed. I need to find a new Dr. now and get re-started on the Ulnar Nerve problem. I hope to god it’s something fixable. Otherwise, just more numbness and ‘dizzy’ feelings lately. A few mood swings but not as bad as in the past… I think the person who is with me has a lot to do with that too…

I asked her to marry me a while back and she said yes. Happy Day!!!
Now I need to get a ring… I’m looking for a very inexpensive, but pretty enguagement ring. If anyone has any ideas on cheap diamonds, I’m all ears. (I’m talking cheap. Remember, I’m selling things to pay medical bills…)

So, I went from an overweight lieing nympho-maniac tyrant of a wife to an honest, loving, caring, very visually stunningly beautiful (so much so that I didn’t think I had a chance), and most of all, not overbearing and controlling woman. So, I got MS in the process. Honestly, I’d make the same change for the same price every day of the week and twice on Sunday… I am happier than I have ever been in the last 20 years. And I think, I’m really in love for the first time. I mean, I loved my ex very much (not any more, once I commit to divorce, I can not love. I had to remove love from my heart before I could go through with it.) but the feelings I have for this woman are sooooo much stronger than any feelings I’ve ever had in the past. It took a few weeks for them to start to develop but once they did, I knew I was in trouble.

On yet another front, I’ve started talking to my daughter for the first time (another “ex-wife wouldn’t let me” thing…) I feel like such a shit for not seeing her all these years but she understood and we’re taking it from now and moving on. Actually, this is even more happyness for me than my new fiance. I am hoping to have her come down sometime this year. Wish me luck!

New Friend

I got a PM from someone on the Jeepforum (of which I am a moderator) talking about MS. He has similar symptoms to my own (only worse) and he’s younger. In an odd sorta way, it made me feel better. I guess in this world, I do not know anyone else with MS similar to mine but now I do. Misery loves company. 🙂

My eyes have been getting worse. I thought they were getting better but this week they are driving me nuts. My neck and back also hurt like crazy. It’s got that ‘I need to crack it’ feeling but it won’t pop and even when it does, no relief. I had a migraine Saturday and still have a headache. Behind my left eye, temple and back of my head. I do not think french-kissing an electrical outlet could feel this bad. I get migraines now and then but this one has been evil. It made me sick to my stomach on Friday, lasted through Saturday and still lingers.

My loving girlfriend sat with me all weekend rubbing my neck and head and we watched season 2 of “Lost”… (damn my PVR for not catching season 3… Now I have to wait for the DVD… GRRRRRR…)

I have a friend who is willing to give or sell very cheap an early 90’s Geo with a few problems. I’m going to see if the problems outweight the affordability of the vehicle. It will be nice though to have another car (that gets better than 10mpg and I don’t need earplugs to drive). I love my Jeep but… It’s not a great daily driver.

Happy New Year!

Well, not so happy… My left hand is STILL numb (Ulnar nerve), however the Dr. seems to think it’s not directly MS related and I’m getting ready for more tests to see if it’s just Ulnar entrapment. I’m crossing my fingers.

My eyes, were better but started going off again. Today they seem good though. Hope it was just a fluke.

I got a cronic case of the hickups which lasted from the 30th until this morning. Finally I searched all over hell and back for resolution and tried them all, as dumb as many of them are. Ironically, a teaspoon full of sugar is what did the trick. Remember that next time. Odd taste but it worked. No hickups since and they stopped immediately.

As for the rest of the new year, I ate way too much (back up to 255 from my 225 recient weight loss, still much better than my old 275-303 overweight range though). My new girl’s family was fun at Christmas and we had fun with her church group for new years. So all-in-all, not bad.

Extended information available:I went to one of my old friend’s mom’s house reciently to return a book. I have not seen him since more than 14 months now. He is acting very strange they say. I hope he’s ok. Many thoughts have crossed my mind into what could be the matter but until he decides to pick up the phone, I won’t know for sure. I’ve done all I can to get in contact with him again but he ignores me. His mom said he’s been like this to most people lately (very much unlike him…). I hope he’s ok and my best wishes go to him.

This would be the second Christmas season I spent alone if it wasn’t for my new found love. The nice thing about it though was that for the most part, I didn’t think about my ex once accept when I realized I had not enjoied the holidays like this, in many, many, many years… Actually, I think this holiday was the final nail in my past whiched helped me realize just how miserible I was before and how happy I am now. Sad to think that I would have staied with that evil woman for the rest of my life at one time. But looking back, everything makes sence now. She didn’t turn bad, she always was. I just couldn’t put all the pieces together before. Looking back now, I feel like a retuard not seeing how unfaithful she was, even in the very beginning. Sometimes even the very smart feel very dumb. I know now what that saying means.

One of my true friends got a new minivan now that his second daughter is on the way. He’s willing to sell me his old early 90’s Geo and Cavalier. Nice jesture but I’m worried neither one is reasonably fixable to make it legal. The cav is in nice condition but hasn’t been driven in 5 years so will need all new fluids… Geo has tons of small things… I need to do the math to see if it all adds up. There’s a new truck around the block that’s for sale I might look into. It’s newer and driven and inspected so, it’s better than anything else I have which is all I need… (anyone with a working car for ‘cheap’ sale, send me a message…) I have to go into work tomarrow to so I have to get the Jeep goin.

I’m trying hard to sell my bike to cover some medical costs but no one is buying… /cry Hopefully in the spring I’ll find a buyer…


Sitting around…

I’ve been sitting around today… again, staying home from work… It is nice to be able to work from home.

My eyes, which aren’t blury but are not in focus together, have been better the last few weeks. Though I still have good days and bad. My left hand, oddly enough, I could almost feel yesterday, until I went to bed and it was more numb than ever before… Go figure.

The new love was over this weekend for our 5-month anniversary and it was very nice. My ‘Performance’ wasn’t as good as it has been but hopefully it’s nothing to get worried about. I still need to lose @ 25-35 lbs which I’m sure will help signifigantly.

I also need to sell my mountain bike. It’s a very expensive (>$2000) full-suspension bike (Giant AC Air) with 6″ of travle on both ends. It’s a sweet ride but I can not ride it anymore and I need the money for meds. I’ll probably sell it for $800 or so with everything I have for it. I’ve only ridden it @ 10 times… Watch Criegs list in Austin. I’ll put it up today.

I also need to sell my TV. 53″ Pioneer Elite Projection ($7k new). Probably for $750… As you can tell, I really need the cash… I’m even considering selling my Jeep for @ $12k (show jeep with award winning setup) just to be able to buy something that gets better than 25 mpg cause I can not afford the gas… Freaking sad, I know…

Ugg… Well, other than that, nothing’s changed lately… Check back here though, I’ll post more soon…

Just an FYI About this blog;

I leave this blog alone after posting because I want my attitude and thoughts to remain when I re-read them. Some of them are harsh, like I used to be. Especially the ones referring to my ex-wife.

But basically, the story of this blog is simply my life in process. I’m working to become a better person. Right all of the wrongs in my life. Actually, today most people regard me as one of the most honest, kindest and loyal people they know. That wasn’t always the case.

Some people bring out the worst in me (Ex-wife). Some people bring out the best (Wife, old high-school friends I’m reconnecting with, etc.). But I make this blog on the fly, and leave it so that I can read it again and remember.

Also in this blog will be reviews of things I have or have used, stuff I’ve done, etc. outside of the normal life updates.

I hope you enjoy them. I hope the bad ones don’t give you a bad opinion of me. I am so much different than my old days. Unfortunately it took life threatening conditions to turn me around, but at least now I am turned around.