Happy? well…

I sold my mountain bike to help pay for medical bills this month and I sold some other things like the old christmas tree that I never use anyhow. I’m trying to sell my TV and pretty much anything that isn’t bolted down.

I had another dream with my ex-wife in it.. I thought I was done with these but this one made me feel a whole lot better. Basically, I got to tell her: “You wake up every morning with the guy you cheated with and whom cheated on you. If that doesn’t bother your conscience at all, I’m glad your gone becuase you’re not fit to be the mother of any children. A mother needs morals and commitments which you obviously do not have.” Plus I finally got to slap her which made me wake up with a huge smile. And thankfully, since then, I don’t even think about her at all anymore… And when I do, it’s a happy feeling of that horrible woman being out of my life forever. Ohhh, I’m so glad!

Well, on the other hand, the new girlfriend is absolutely amazing. Everytime I do something that my ex would have smacked or scoulded me for, nothing. Then she asks ‘what’ and I say something to the effect of ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to do that’. And again she sais ‘what’? And I have to explain what I did and how it was wrong before… I think the last time I did this, she said “Good god… What type of evil woman were you married too?!?”. I guess being married for so long sticks habbits into ya that are hard to erase. But it’s nice knowing she gives me the freedome to really be myself. I enjoy being able to clean my house and do my laundry without the yell of messing it up every time. Plus, I like doing dishes with her and just being in the kitchen together. Everytime I came up behind my ex when she was cooking, she’d give me the ‘get off me’ shrug… Finding all of these things I can do now is so nice. I even get to play my video games without getting the look all the time. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… /cry

We have watched a lot of movies lately trying to save every penny we can. I even work from home 2-4 days a week just to save on the gas. A friend is going to give me some cars which if I can get running properly and inspected, should really help in that arena. Although since one hasn’t run for 5 years and the other needs a lot of exhaust & break/clutch work, I don’t know if it’s the right move financially. I maybe should take the repair money and find a cheap, working car instead… I have to look at them closer first to find out.

As for my MS, my insurance changed. I need to find a new Dr. now and get re-started on the Ulnar Nerve problem. I hope to god it’s something fixable. Otherwise, just more numbness and ‘dizzy’ feelings lately. A few mood swings but not as bad as in the past… I think the person who is with me has a lot to do with that too…

I asked her to marry me a while back and she said yes. Happy Day!!!
Now I need to get a ring… I’m looking for a very inexpensive, but pretty enguagement ring. If anyone has any ideas on cheap diamonds, I’m all ears. (I’m talking cheap. Remember, I’m selling things to pay medical bills…)

So, I went from an overweight lieing nympho-maniac tyrant of a wife to an honest, loving, caring, very visually stunningly beautiful (so much so that I didn’t think I had a chance), and most of all, not overbearing and controlling woman. So, I got MS in the process. Honestly, I’d make the same change for the same price every day of the week and twice on Sunday… I am happier than I have ever been in the last 20 years. And I think, I’m really in love for the first time. I mean, I loved my ex very much (not any more, once I commit to divorce, I can not love. I had to remove love from my heart before I could go through with it.) but the feelings I have for this woman are sooooo much stronger than any feelings I’ve ever had in the past. It took a few weeks for them to start to develop but once they did, I knew I was in trouble.

On yet another front, I’ve started talking to my daughter for the first time (another “ex-wife wouldn’t let me” thing…) I feel like such a shit for not seeing her all these years but she understood and we’re taking it from now and moving on. Actually, this is even more happyness for me than my new fiance. I am hoping to have her come down sometime this year. Wish me luck!

Leave a Reply